EPISODE 19 TRANSCRIPT
06 | 06 | 18
So let’s say you’re watching these videos because you yourself have OCPD. Why are you watching? Morbid curiosity? Purely for educational reasons? To feel like you're not alone? Well I said that this channel wasn’t going to be changing, but that wasn’t entirely true. In my time away I’ve come to the realization that in an attempt to combat my own know-it-all symptoms and in order to reach the largest amount of people AND in the hopes that everyone would keep tuning in, I’ve completely avoided being controversial in any way. That is so not my style. Now I’m not going to be controversial for controversial’s sake, but I am going to say what’s on my mind if I believe it will be of benefit to you. And the ‘you’ I’m referring to being either someone afflicted with OCPD or someone that knows someone with OCPD. So again, why are you here? I’m going to guess that for a significant percentage of you it’s in the hope for some answers.
Now I’m not going to pretend I have all the answers (I do). And I’m not going to suggest you should listen to me (you totally should). But I think it’s high time we talked solutions instead of problems.
First things first, you believe that change is possible. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. Unless you just want to see me fall apart on the internet, and more power to you if that’s why you’re here. So what is the biggest hurdle in overcoming your OCPD symptoms? Excuses! Now they come in all shapes and sizes and many times they don’t present themselves to you in your mind as such. You may be thinking that something else entirely is holding you back, but I assure you it is always going to translate to excuses. The biggest excuse being that there is nothing wrong with you. That’s the one I hear the most.
When I’m interacting with various online OCPD groups, this pops up all the time. You’ve taken the time to acknowledge that you have OCPD, which is no small miracle. You’ve joined online groups and you’re asking questions and posting problems you’re facing. But yet, it still isn’t you with the problem?! That’s not the way this works. OCPD is destructive. Nobody seeks help that doesn’t first have a problem. So in order to even take one baby step forward you are going to need to sit there and admit to yourself that OCPD symptoms left unchecked are harmful to yourself and potentially to others. It’s ok, you can do it. The world isn’t going to stop turning and you’ll still be the same person you were 10 seconds ago, only with a world view that alines with reality.
OK, so we’ve pushed that first excuse aside. And don’t worry, I’m not an idiot. I know the likelihood that you actually made a big revelation just now is incredibly small. But even just hearing a bit of truth and not shutting off my video is progress and I’ll take it.
Next up we run into excuses such as “my OCPD is different than everyone else’s and I can’t change” or “my OCPD is stronger than I am” or my own personal mantra “the OCPD and I are one and the same and I don’t want to know who I’d be without it”. All excuses that come from a place of fear and so are similar in nature. Having a personality disorder means that our identities as we see them are intrinsically linked to who we see ourselves as. In essence, healing ourselves means killing a part of ourselves off. That is a terrifying prospect and the older you are and the longer you’ve lived with this disorder the scarier that prospect is.
So time to start reading up. Educating yourself on what to expect with this disorder is paramount to preparing yourself for the work you have ahead. Our minds work in a very specific way and understanding how we process information, make decisions and how we communicate is going to start to give us power over our own thoughts. I always include links to further information in my videos and I have an extensive list of online resources outlined in my blog.
In amongst all this reading you will discover a primary defining quality to our identities is a need to be right. This video is running a little long and so we’re going to continue discussing the positive and healthy and high functioning future we have ahead of ourselves, but I’m going to leave you with an exercise challenging the excuse I just mentioned. You don’t like being wrong do you? But I know something worse than being wrong, being undecided. So take a relative truth that you believe in, maybe it’s a cultural practice or a political belief, and challenge it. Take a deep look into the other side of the issue. Practice empathy and compassion with someone that takes an opposite stance. And try and spend some time in the middle, in the grey area. Think about why it is someone could think so differently to you and yet still function in life and be a good person. Think about why that particular thought even matters to you. Meditate on it, ponder it and be ok with the fact that maybe, just maybe you might not be as right as you think you are.
Now I’m not saying that you’re actually wrong about whatever crisis of thought you choose. Who am I kidding, we have OCPD we are never wrong ;) But let yourself believe that you don’t know everything. At least until I post another video.
It feels good to be back and it feels fantastic to focus a little bit on hope and positivity. I told you we’d get there at some point. We still have much to cover though and as always I welcome your questions and suggestions in the comments. I hope this video was worth the wait and I’m still Darryl and this is still My Life In Debris!